


Saudade

by buttheyrebrothers



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-30 01:38:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5145524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttheyrebrothers/pseuds/buttheyrebrothers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it's hard to tell what the real nightmare is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saudade

**Author's Note:**

> Saudade - Portuguese, means a vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist, for something other than the present, a turning towards the past or towards the future; not an active discontent or poignant sadness but an indolent dreaming wistfulness

My eyes open to a cloudless sky, skin warmed by Apollo’s kisses and the smell of rich soil in my nose. Around me stands an army of sunflowers guard, willing to protect the sweet feeling that is swelling in my chest. A soft breeze carries nature’s magical tune and the world around me is at peace. It’s Eden’s garden, welcoming me home.  
  
Only one thing is missing to grand this moment perfectness, so I look around in search for it.  
  
Just then, out of nowhere, a sleek black ride catches my eye. I marvel at the way the sun’s bright beams break on her paint, making the man on her hood glow in an otherworldly light. The sight is almost too much; it’s hurting my heart as much as my eyes in its dazzling beauty.  
  
I should be accustomed to the fact that my big brother possesses more beautifulness than Aphrodite herself. But you are something I will never get used to. I don’t ever want to. I will forever shatter in those moments when your face is alight. A smile sweeter than ambrosia and gifted just to me.Only me.  
  
I often thought about you as Atlas, did you know that? The lonely titan, who carried the sky upon his shoulders. Only, it’s me you’re carrying, because I am your world. That is my truth, as long as we are in this garden.  
  
This dream always goes the same way. I wake up in a sunny field and you are there on your beloved baby. You smile at me and beckons me over with a sinful promise in your green eyes.  
  
I am happy.  
  
That is the moment everything changes. I reach you and we kiss, but when I draw away your face is a bloody mess. I taste copper and know it’s yours, not mine.  
  
I wish it was mine.  
  
You choke, lips blue tinged and bruises forming on your neck. I back away, horrified at the way you fall over on the ground. My knees hit the space next to you and I reach out. You whisper _What have you done, Sammy? This is all your fault_. And then you look at me but it’s not you, it’s a monster with skin melting from its face, but the monster has your voice.  
  
I turn around and run. Your voice follows me, repeating the accusing words like an assassination. Each word a sentence, a stone hitting me and I bleed I bleed I bleed.  
  
I’m caught in a red river, drowning. Dying. I want to welcome it but the thought of you keeps me afloat. You will come, you will save me. You always have.  
  
Just when my strength is leaving me, a hand. Reaching out to me so I grab it.  
  
_Hold on Sammy. Hold on. I got'ya._  
  
But I can’t. Your skin is slick with blood and I’m slipping away.  
  
**DEAN!**  
  
You look at me like you don’t even know me, like there is nothing but a faceless body swimming in a river of blood.  
  
_This is your fault. I’m done saving you._  
  
You are nothing to me.  
  
You turn around and leave. Like it is easy. Like it is nothing.  
  
I scream your name, over and over again. Blood floods my mouth and clots my throat. I can’t breath but I’m still calling your name.  
  
_You are nothing to me._  
  
The dream always goes the same way. The only thing changing is our lives.  
  
Sometimes I wake up to a world of monsters and endless storms, but as soon as I turn around and see you, sleeping in the other bed, I’m glad the nightmare is over.  
  
Tonight I wake up to you yelling my name, taunting me with your beloved voice and black eyes.  
  
Tonight I wake up to the real nightmare.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the spnwritingchallenge, prompt was nightmare. Feedback is always welcome :)


End file.
